Prayer Heard!

I've been praying really hard lately, and there are tonnes of reason why. First, my grades. Second, personal needs. Not exactly a lot, but well, i don't think that my prayers deserved to be heard, but now that it has been, i'm sooooo grateful!

If you've been keeping tabs on my absolutely boring blog, you'd know that i'm not what you'd call a, responsible, mature, hardworking and smart person. I'm more to the opposite of all that. The grades for my last term are rubbish. And since then, i've been trying really hard to get back on track. I pray a lot, and read a lot, though most of the time i get distracted and well, y'know lah. So, when i got the results for my end of the year exam, i was not disappointed at all. I improved. I got better results and i felt good. I knew that it was God who was looking after me, guiding me through my test. I thanked him, and of course continued praying for something else that i've been wanting since FOREVER.

I prayed for years that God would grant me a guitar. And well, I WAITED. WAITED FOR A LONG TIME. I prayed everyday and asked for this wish of mine to come true. And y'know what, after my exam, my grandma said that she'd get me a guitar! I was over the moon and was on cloud nine for a loooong time. And then, the moment came. Two days ago, which was a Sunday, my grandma bought me to Lepo Music Store and got me an acoustic guitar! Even though i have not the slightest idea on how to play it, but i can learn :D

And so, i got a sleek black one. StarSun's the brand. It was a beginner's guitar. It originally was a reddish-brown one, but then i asked for a switch to black one. I wanted a blue one, but there was only so many things a person can ask for. I came back home with a huge smile on my face, and the guitar in it's gig bag, strapped to my back. I was given two picks for free, one black colored and the other, rainbow-ish. I'm using the black one more often as it's sharper and i dunno, more comfy? I'm just happy that i got my guitar. I'm a lucky kid, and i know that :)

Thanks, God, for everything.

May you continue guiding me through life.

Exam's OVER

Hey, hey, hey :D exam has been over about a week ago and we still gotta go to school, which is absolutely pointless. What do we do at school? Anything BUT study. More than half of my class brought cards to play and the rest of it, well, they're either playing hand games or reading. I myself have been playing cards too at school. Hahaha

Anyways, i ditched school today because it would be a total bore. And then, i've been doing some thinking. I haven't exactly been doing my very best in my studies this year. So, i promised myself that next year, i'll toughen up and improve. My grandma has been pressuring me about the future, again. She asked me what field would i like to study when i graduate, and i was thinking 'i'm not even sure i would graduate'. Truth be told, i wanna study psychology. I love learning about how people, human's mind work, like what makes them do what they do. Those kinda things interest me lots. I guess this field is a bit related to criminology, and i love crime. Hahaha. And i won't mind studying about them.

But the problem is that these are not normal field. And they're not exactly an ideal field of study. I mean, what are the occupations that one who studies psychology can have? A psychologist, or a therapist? Those are the only ones. Also, a lecturer of psychology studies if you prefer. But, that's all. Because it's so limited, i don't think it's ideal for me to get into them. but i don't really want to study about law, business or biology, science or whatever. THEY BORE ME.

Aww man, what the hell am i supposed to do? I know i still have like tonnes of time, but i don't know. I guess i'm just worried. The future can't be planned. Argh, how much i hate surprises

Parents and Teachers Don't Meant To Co-exist

My school had a parent-teacher thing yesterday and mine was...not as disastrous as i had expected. See, every year after the first semester exam passed, parents have to come over to the school in order to retrieve report cards. And that also give teachers the chance to blab whatever they want to our parents. What they blab about, not all are true, and not all parents are smart enough to see through the act.

As usual, my grandma was the one who went instead of my very-very busy parents. Don't worry, i don't mind :D So, knowing my grandma, she dressed up for the 'big' day. I mean like really, really dressed up. It was as though she was dressing up for a wedding dinner or something high-class like. She had even put on her gigantic ear-rings. I asked why she'd wore what she was wearing and she answered, 'Would you prefer if i went in that half-quarter pants and black-faded-to-white tee and looking like an old hag who had just woken up from a nightmare?'

Yes, my grandma is just that awesome.

And, when i supported my grandma as we walk down the flight of stairs that leads us down to the school hall, she whispered to me, 'Haiya, I can walk by myself. I'm not that old so quit making me look that old.'

Grandma awesome strikes again!

So, when we reached my class, there were only one other people in line. We sat on the chairs that my class had wasted our energy and breath on to arrange it nicely for this day. We went up when it was our turn. My class teacher who is a Malay, was starting everything by telling grandma by position in class, which was not a good thing, because i got like 21 this time, over 40 smart-asses in my smart-ass class which my school had obviously accidentally put me in. Then, she started to talk about the subjects that had dropped, which was Chinese and History, both which i badly in. I dropped from an A to C in History. And for Chinese.... I DON'T EVEN WANNA START WITH CHINESE, NOT EVER. SO, after dragging on and on and on about God-knows-what for God-knows-how-long, my grandma finally made a move and stood up. And that was when i finally woke up from my 'sleep'.

As expected, grandma lectured me all the way to the hair salon about my grades. She got a couple of calls in between, but that didn't stop her from changing the subject. I had even tried turning on my rock music. She still didn't budge. Oh wells, at least i got my haircut in peace.

After that, blablablalblablablablablabla. Nothing else to say, so PEACE

Ain't Life Grand?

These few days have been a huge bore. School is well, school. Only less fun, more work. So, i ask, ain't life grand? I've got simply nothin' to do. Not one thing. And facing the wrath of boredom is really a terrible thing to do. It's killing me, literally.

I'm soooooo bored that i'm googling random stuffs and listening to whatver song that appears on the screen of my lappie. Tell me i'm amused and well-entertained. Since boredom has taken over most of my week's schedule, i've been trying to make up some new lyrics. Believe me, that is not an easy skill to master. I have no idea how people like Chris Daughtry or the band Simple Plan can come up with really, really amazing lyrics. I tried, FAILED.

Anyways, i just have to think of something else to write about then, other than...love songs? HAHA. Not funny...

Indie Horror Film

Hey. So, after watching the movie 'Insidious', it kinda inspired me to proceed into the making of my long-lost desire, which is creating an indie horror film. I've written a lot rubbish horror stories over the years and though they all of different storyline, something amongst them remain the same. They're all unfinished work.

There is a great starting but no ending. In all the stories i wrote, not one has an ending, not even one. How sad is that? Anyways, even now that i'm in middle school doesn't make it any easier to have determination to finish any of them. But, this time about the indie film thing, i'm more determined than i am, though i got really frustrated about it sometimes. Writers' block. It happens.

So, I've already gotten my hands on a the cast, the storyline and video cam. All that's left is the right place. I originally wanted a place big enough for the whole cast to fit in, but it was just not quite possible. What was the solution?

I'm thinking of using my own place. It's not that big, but where else can we film it? Okay. So this is the filming style that we're gonna use. Ever watched 'Quarantine'? Yes, we're gonna shoot it in the 'found footage' style. And, i'm gonna be the one who's holding on the camera, making me part of the characters too. LOL. Well, if you intend on shooting a film that would please yourself, why not shoot it yourself?

As for the plot, since we're all pre-teens, might as well put the picture on pre-teens. And you'd think to yourself, how would any horrific thing happen to a group of kids? THINGS HAPPEN. SO, i thought up the storyline like this : What would bring a group of kids together without the presence of their parents? GROUP PROJECT. And so, i started on the story. A KHB project in school led three classmates in search for a spot in town that they can use to promote it, like how promoters promote their new-built house. Meanwhile, one of their classmate who recently moved from China to here due to family problems, joined the group of three for the project, telling them that he has just the place that would promise an A for the project.

The characters are :

Royce Lim (M) IRVING 15 years – KHB project group memeber

Pamela Lim (F) JOAN 13 years – Sister of Royce

Liu Yen De (M) KENDRICK 15 years - Moved here from China /KHB project member

Tami Yong (F) KELLY 15 years – KHB project group member

Selene Chong (F) Valerie 15 years – KHB project group member (me)

Jane Yap (F) LYDIA 20 years – Royce and Pam’s older cousin

Lina (G) ZOE Long-haired ghost

Wendy (G) CHELSEA Skinny ghost

Kid (G) RACHEL Kid ghost who runs around laughing

Hands (G) MICHELLE Ghost that shows fingers

To ace this project, they'd have to take pictures, videos as documentaries on the spot they've decided on. Yen De, who's the guy who supplied them with the spot, used his late third aunt's house, which was a house out of the town's view. Even though the house is no longer occupied by anyone, a caretaker is hired to keep the place in order.

The horror begun when Yen De suggested that they sleep-over at the house so that they would finish the project earlier. And that is when Jane, older cousin to Royce an Pamela comes in as the only adult amongst the group members. Her job is just to act as their baby-sitter and because Royce's younger sister, Pam was tagging along too. The horror begun when they had their first night there and danger had strike when the only adult was lured out of the house, leaving the rest of the group alone. Before they knew it, they found themselves horrifically trapped inside the house with unexplainable things happening around them. One by one, people start vanishing, unknown shadows lurking around every corner they turn to. Only one night in the house had felt like a year in a small cage playing cat and mouse with something beyond reality. And the proof of everything that happened was caught in the video cam, revealing EVERYTHING.

The hidden secret behind the house:

Yen De’s third aunt who was also previously from China migrated here with her husband to look for a better life. Her husband was cheating on her therefore, she killed her husband’s affair partner in the forest outside her house and then hanged herself out of depression and frustration. Husband came home sometime later, finding his wife hanging by a rope in their living room’s ceiling fan. After pulling her down, he checked for her pulse and there was none. He gathered himself up and covered her with a blanket before calling the police. Halfway during his call, he heard something from the living room and told the officer to hold the call for a moment so that he could check what made the noise, but there was nothing. Just when he was about to get back to the phone, he saw that there was no body under the blanket that he had put on his wife a few minutes ago. He caught something moving fast and tried to reach for the phone, but before he could do that, he had already lost his life.

His heart was ripped out. No one knew except for the caretaker as he was there when everything happened. And there were a whole lot of things that he didn’t mention too. E.g. before Yen De’s aunt and her husband moved in, there were already 3 occupants before them. And 3 of them still hasn't left the place yet.

So, basically that's what i thought of. I'm now working on the script, and believe me, it's hard work! So, i hope that everything will succeed and happen as i've planned. PEACE

Email Add CHANGED

Yes. I've finally changed my email add after a year of not being able to access my old account. It's now freakoval@hotmail.com. So, what happened today? Well, i went for the second time to the SJAKHS First Aid Course. I didn't have to go, but knowing me, i can't pass up the chance to go. Sad to say, St john activities practically took my holiday away. Almost everyday was filled with st john. GREAT. JOY.

Don't get me wrong. I LOVE ST JOHN A. Just that, it takes a lot of time that i want to myself. Haha. I need my personal place too y'know. SO, i'm going away to Fun Day Camp on the fifth of next month. I missed the chance to go last year, all because i wanted to watch Ghost Whisperer.

Tired. Peace

First Semester Exam

Aiyaiyai. Exam, again! This time, it's not just an exam. It's THE exam. They're four exams in total throughout the year in school, and two out of them are THE exam where if you don't get good grades, all you're getting after that is rice with yam, nothing more. To me, that is the worst meal that i could think of. This is the um, fourth day of the exam. And did i mention that today is a SATURDAY?! And yet, we fellow Highians still have to go to school to attend the exam that everyone was dreading.

Today, i had art and history test. The art theory has 20 questions and i only knew how to do number 0. yes, i 'eenie meeniee minee mo-ed' for all 20 of 'em. As for history, 60 questions and mostly was like 'I didn't learn this!!!'. LOL. It's easy when you actually did learn, and put your heart and soul in it. Unlike me, i just studies yesterday night and for only an hour. I scrolled through the rest of it this morning for an hour too. Yes, i know. LAST MINUTE. It's a risk, but it's me.

So, this week was mostly paper two's. Next week shall be objective questions. The pressure is on, again. If this exam does not turn out well, good-bye to all things that make me happy. My mom and her rules.

Sigh. Stupidity, please lead me to where God would

Guardian Angel

I'm there when you need me

My shoulder's for you to cry on

All you need to do is to ring me

Couldn't care less 'bout the time zone

Cuz when i rush through your door like that, like that

It makes me feel like i'm in love when you say

You say

(chorus)

'I'm like your air

I'm a must for your survival'

Said, 'I love you'

'For now and always forever'

So, i'll stay for you, and be your Guardian Angel

These words that have been spoken,

They stay locked up in my mind,

But it hurts when i know that you

Were lying all along

Cuz i knew that you were too good for me, for me

But, still i'll tell you the same things that you said

You said, to me

(chorus)

'I'm like your air

I'm a must for your survival'

Said, 'I love you'

'For now and always forever'

So, i'll stay for you, and be your Guardian Angel

Whoa...You can beat me, kick me, push me down

Even when it hurts so bad

Even when i get so sad

I still won't stay on the ground

Cuz i know that i still,

Have you to watch over now

(chorus)

'I'm like your air

I'm a must for your survival'

Said, 'I love you'

'For now and always forever'

So, i'll stay for you, and be your Guardian Angel

P.S. i know it's kinda dumb and retarded, but well, i was bored, as usual. Btw, this is original. I ain't a poseur.

Good Friday

Hey... um, so today's Good Fri. Nothing's up for me today. Well, just gonna tell ya that we got second place for the basketball competition. Lost our first match during finals against a really rough, and good team. Okay, other than that, i have nothing else to say about last week, except that i missed like two week of school!! First week was because of debate, then the week after that was basketball. And well, this week, i learned nothing at school because it was obvious that i couldn't catch whatever most of the teachers are saying. Plus, my specs broke on wed. NOT MY FAULT, I'M INNOCENT.

I was in the car. I took my specs off so that i could doze off for a moment and who knew that my 1.5 L of water would break my specs? It just fell on it, therefore crushing it, i guess. So, i couldn't turn back to get my spare one as i was already almost reaching the school. Yea, i went to school without my specs. I was kinda blind as everything i see, is a blur. And that was also why i couldn't concentrate in class, because i had a killer headache caused by my almost-blindness. That afternoon was hell, man.

Anyway, that's everything i wanna tell about that awful day. Now, i just wanna sit back and relax. Again, MAY MY STUPIDITY LEAD THE GOOD WAY.

Basketball, yea?

Well, this is the second day of the kuching under 15 gals interschool basketball competition. Competition spot is at my school and thank God for that, cuz we're more fimilar with the surrounding there. So, the last match today was already our fourth match since the competition started. And, we won all four! Yeah, us! Correction, yeah, them! I mean, they play more than the other five of us on the team so i guess mostly, it's just them! LOL. Anyways, for the last match of the day, which was us against some-other-school-whom-i-don't-wanna-name, almost half of our team suffered from injuries. Though they're not heavy injuries, it is best to stay on alert mode on them. I myself, got knocked down and kicked at by the opposing team, but there were no heavy injuries for me. WHEW. But my right arm's still a bit sore if someone touches it. Okay, so technically, tomorrow we're up against some science school which are better than we expected them to be. We so hope to beat them so we can get ourselves into the final. So, this is pretty much my Tuesday to Thursday update, i guess. PEACE. And may me and my team make it to the finals, and WIN. BE THE CHAMPS, champs :D

Aww, man

Alright. It's a Sunday today, which is also a day for me to catch up with my last week's homework which i missed four days of because of a debate in SwinBurne. Anyways, my plan to stay at home, and lock myself in my room with my few stacks of school books went *kapoof* when i find myself attending a St John Amubulance duty in some Hot Spring place called...called Annah Rian or something.. It was an hour and half drive from HQ to this place. My mates for the duty, Karen, Ashley and Garryson were the only ones other than me who attended.

Well, this is my second duty after my previous one about a month ago for the Tugas Awam Pertolongan Cemas sempena Kejohanan Olahraga MSS Bahagian Kuching 2011. LOL. I gotta say, I find the duties enjoying though my duty today was, well, what i would like to call a 'dead duty'. There are no cases at all, and somehow, i ended up being the one getting sick. Yea, i got sick. CARSICK.

The ride up was fine i guess. Karen and her mouth kept us entertained enough and we were all pumped up with energy, so the ride was just fine. Again, i must say, we were there for nothin'. All we did there was stand there, stretcher on one side, and a first aid pouch in one of our hands. There was a fan at our standing spot, quite similar to Fuk Ada, but smaller in size. Just too bad it occasionally stopped. Electrical malfuntion, i assumed. Anyway, it was our first time seeing a hot spring. Most of us didn't even know there was a hot spring somewhere not so far out of Kuching.

So, we had our lunch. I had MY lunch, which if you know me well, you would be like 'ahh'. In case if you didn't know, i eat a lot. So, yea. And who knew that right after lunch, they gave us the greenlight to head back to town. I was yeah-ing and happy that we get to head home earlier than i expected, but little did i know that, an hour and a half ride through bumpy roads and in an old fashioned, air condition-less fan with no back support in the seats will cause me to barf. Yes, i barfed. For the first time in 3 straight years. Thought i was gonna break my personal record, but no. I just had to puke after the ride.

I was already feeling super uneasy and drowsy in the car after like 20 minutes of departure. I wanted to go unconcious, so that i won't have to feel this terrible feeling of puking, but that did not happen. I managed to hang tight for that long, long, long journey until we reached HQ. Just after the car stopped and everyone hoppped outta the car, i reached for my backpack, which only carried my bottle and a pair of slippers, but it weighed a tonne when i carried it to the corridor of HQ.

I seriously could feel my legs below me go weak and jelly-ish while my whole body continued on to push myself on to climb the two steps of stairs. And after that, I went down. I threw my bag on the floor and just trembled into a lying postion. I layed there, feeling really, really, really bad. I was thinking HOLD IT, HOLD IT. But then, it still came. I would feel sick again if i descibed whatever that came so, i'll just refer to that as 'it', yea? So, it just sorta came. I was not used to that feeling, so i just went with the flow. I started puking before i knew it. I guessed non of the others saw me when it happened, they were like busily carrying down item from the car. Still, they managed to spot me in that disgusting condition. After i stopped, which was quite fast, i got up on my feet, gained balance and head straight to the washroom. The good thing about all this is that, i felt better, A HELL LOT better after i puked. Haha. So, that's my puking story for today. Wow. Wish there won't be another day like this no more. Again, may my stupidity lead the way.

Empty...

Mmm. I hate the feeling of not being able to feel anything. It's like my heart's kinda empty but whenever i try to fill in some things, it just doesn't work. Kinda like eating chilies which are super spicy and still not rushing to your water bottle after that. Why do i feel empty? 'Cause i have nothing more important in life to feel about, right now. LOL. Actually, i do have...something in life that i really feel heavy about. It's always in my mind, probably even half of my awake time. No kidding. But, it's kinda a stupid thing. Yea, it's what most people my age have, but...i just... Okay, it's hard for me as i... hmm.. i have no words to describe how depressed, empty, and how excited i am. They're all mixed feelings. How am i supposed to feel right if i can feel almost anything...? Gawd, help me.

O.O test time

After all those years of spending time on stupid things which i shall not name, I've finally found that time is going really fast. A bit too fast. And it won't stop, no matter how hard i tend to get down to my knees and plead. I'm serious. Don't believe me? FINE, I'll supply you with an example.

Just few weeks ago, people in school mentioned about the upcoming 'Ringkasan' test. Right then, it seemed like there's still a hell lot of time before it actually arrives. Who knew that even before i know it, it was already knocking down my door and i only have three more days before it really reaches me. And guess what? I haven't even started really study yet. Yea, of course i studied now and then. But those were just 'studying', not that kind of 'studying studying'. Most of the time, my 'studyingx2' is pushed to the far end of my mind and only reappear when the test is near, as in like the next day.

I'm more of a last minute person, so yea. I'm not as nervous about this upcoming test, whatever the reason. AND THAT'S ABNORMAL. Even for a freako like me, as you know. I'm never the one who can keep cool when there's a blackout. So, for most of my past test, I freaked, had numerous meltdowns, but still went through the test with an ache in the pit of my tummy.

Okay, I've simply ran out of things to say so I'll stop right here. Wish me luck for my test. May my stupidity guide me to the right way

I'm just So Down

Yes, I'm down today. So down that i can even feel the hellish flame upon me. Oh, how much i wish for a downpour today, so that i could let tears drop from my eyes as i watch rain drops outside my window. It may be able to help with washing away all pain, all sadness. The sorrow in me right now craves for the rain and also, all the really, really sad songs that make me wanna cry harder. Guess it just flows right with my feelings. All i wanna do is lock myself in my room with all the curtains down, stopping the ray of light from entering the room and let the room blast with SAD MUSIC that soothes some of the pain, but not all.

This way, i won't have to talk about my feelings, i let the music speak itself. There's nothing more soothing than letting all the sad, full of meaning lyrics streaming into my ears while i sing along with the song, choking back warm, hard tears every now and then. I don't care if i soak my pillow, i don't care if i wet the whole bed. Hell, i won't even give a damn if i flood my whole house, as long as the tears that needs to be out of my system are out, so be it.

I feel like letting myself go. Just go. I don't care about where, but just somewhere other than here, where both good and terrible memories formed in the past. Nobody ever finds comfort reminiscing, missing the past. What's the use anyway? It's not like we can go back to the past. What has happened has happened, so why still concentrate, regret, and miss about the past? It's not some place where you can just visit once you start missing it. Memories. Yes, there are always tremandously good memories hidden among the horrible ones in the past. Whatever it is, happy or painful, i try my very best to push them all back to the back of my mind and don't think about it. What matters now is NOW and the FUTURE.

But damn, it's impossible to push all those crappy feelings away now. It's gonna be here for at least...an eternity? All i can do is, fake a smile, make funny jokes which everyone laughs at while inside, i'm trying to scream as loud as possible. I'm gonna put up my best. So good that when one looks at me and all they can say about me is, "That funny girl. She must be in one hell of a joyful life." No second thoughts about me being sad or whatsoever. Just plain ol' JOY word tattooed over my face.

Wish me luck, people.

7/1/11 The Future...Uh huh

Alright, this time, the future. Hmm... i wonder about the future like, more than half of my awake time, so basically you can tell that i'm sort of jumpy about it, especially when my english teacher brought up the subject in class about our future occupation. The word 'future' is something that i doubt even fortune tellers can be sure that it's gonna happen. Sure, there people who can see the future. Yea, i believe them. But, guys, do you really believe that everything in the future will REALLY happen? It's just a possibility. There are always options, for sure. Nobody ever said that the future is permanent, that it simply can't be changed. It can change, as long as you want it too, but of course, with efforts.

So, back to the story. I felt more alert than ever when Mdm. Loh, enligsh teacher, said 'future job'. I looked up at her and widen my eyes. She asked us what do we dream of doing, what's our future job gonna be. I backed myself into deep thoughts again, thinking about what i would be doing in another 10 years. Maybe a doctor? Lawyer? Scientist? Then, Mdm. Loh said something that stirred me up. "Maybe something extraordinary, out of the box?" she suggested.

And that led me back into my thoughts. Something out of the box? Like an animal instructor? Or a farmer? An ice-cream man perhaps? Weird, but extraordinary, like Mdm. Loh said. Those could have been great choices except for one tiny problem...they are not in my interest. Yes, I want an out of the world job. But no, I don't want an out of the world job if i dread every moment of it. So, the solution? Find an out of the world job that amazes me. How hard can that be? Well, it probably will be the closest to not so possible. I mean, a job will be a job, as long as it pays.

But, maybe i could get one that i actually enjoy. Like what? An Anthropologist? A forensic scientist? Maybe even a shrink? The problem with that is it's too hard. Too complicated. Everything about it speaks confusing. So, what else is there for me?

10 years.. it's not really gonna take a long time to reach me. I do hope i'll think of something for my future job. Crossing my fingers about it.

May my stupidity lead the way and guide me through....everything, if it's not that much to ask.