What happens to me a day before college unofficially starts? I get sick. Technically, i got sick about two days ago but point is, i'm still sick and i've got to be up by 7.30 tomorrow for orientation at 8.30 at my new school, the university i'd be spending the next four years or so attending. Where's good luck when i need it? Oh right, i've already used it all up. Well, fuck me. Not only did the barber mess up(kind of) my cut, i managed to get a fever, flu and a sore throat over the course of two days. I bet it's everybody's dream to attend their first day of college where they're forced to smile at foreign faces and make new friends who hopefully won't stab you in the back while coughing their lungs out and giving the new class of 2020 an unknown respiratory disease.
I hope i don't sneeze into anyone's face or accidentally cough into someone's lunch tomorrow. I hope i don't sound like batman either when i say my hello, i'm Val, short for Valerie. Lastly, I hope my hair doesn't abruptly decide that it's a good day tomorrow to look like wild, dehydrated, uncut grass. Sigh, will God hear my empty prayers? Or will He laugh this off again? Jesus, i don't want to be branded as the sick kid on the first day of college. Or the weird one either. I'm aiming for somewhere in between cool and hipster because no, hipster doesn't mean cool. Hipsters are people who are different, out of the norm. Cool is, well, cool. And not everybody who's a hipster can be classified as cool. If that were the case, nerds with those baggy knee-length denim shorts and faded, over-sized tees would be the new trend. But then again, they're not what people call "hipster", because they already have their very own brand name --nerds.
So yeah, i'm looking to be different, but not different different to the extent of getting avoided by people because that wanna-be kid is fucking weird. A comfortable spot right at the intersection point of 'cool' and 'hipster' would be nice. Just, nice. But to achieve that is a hard ass task. It's already challenging, and confusing enough to dress as a tomboy, although honestly, i don't dress to be anything. I just aim for something that doesn't make me look like i live in a fish market, that's it. But yes, it's already a problem to cross-dress and have a boy's hairdo when my chest and hip area obviously show that i am in fact, a female. So, if i were to try and dress a little more differently, like in a way that has me walking around with a sign that says trying to stand out hanging off my neck, people from this shithole would start being narrow-minded, judgmental and under-educated assholes.
And that's something i'm not totally okay with because over the years, i realized that i'm not really good when it comes to dealing with other people's opinion. Like, image means a lot to me and although i might be labelled as gay or whatnot, that doesn't bother me as much because being gay isn't something negative, not in my opinion anyway(as it should in everybody else's as well), but if I were to attend classes with what i usually wear around my close friends when we hang out or how i usually act around them too and then something along the lines of god, she's disgusting or we should stay away from her was thrown at me, i would break. I would break and have a really tough time trying to pull myself back together, And that's really bad, considering that it's my first year of college and i really shouldn't be focused on anything else like keeping myself from falling apart other than my grades.
Right, so i hope i don't sweat tomorrow. Or get too cold. Or look sick. I want to meet new people in my best condition and meeting/talking to people while sounding like something died and decomposed in my throat probably isn't the best way to start a new school life. I'll have a little praying session tonight then. Peace.
Also, the photo in my student ID card has me looking like shit. Like, i've just fallen into a rabbit hole of shit, landed into a pile of shit and then have myself cleaned with shit. Shit.
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