Feelings

  I've been reading my updates and wow, they're all about my feelings, aren't they? I'm always talking about how i feel about this and that. Actually, i'm getting kind of tired seeing me having nothing else to talk about other than my feelings. If they were positive feelings, i don't think i'd have much of a problem with it, but they aren't. And i doubt that it's healthy to be talking so much about wanting to hang myself. I might find myself drowning in self-pity on a daily basis, but that doesn't mean i like it. I don't, not one bit.

  Do you have any idea how pathetic it is to be always having problems with yourself? Always tearing up because oh, i'm not good enough, i'm not worthy of this, i'm not worthy of that. People always tell me, "Try harder" and i'm like yeah, okay i will but in the end, i don't. I don't think i've tried harder to make things better. Actually, i don't think i've tried at all. I don't know how to make myself want to try. All in all, i lack self-motivation. I lack those qualities needed to pull myself up from the shit that i've drowned myself in.

  Okay, so here i am talking about my emotions again. Haha, i think it's inevitable to have a blog and not talk about your feelings. It's just something natural to do, you know? I don't even know what direction this post is getting to, so i should probably just stop. I guess i just wanted to talk, and having no one in the flesh to do that with, there's only you, ol, blogger left. Sometimes i wish you could talk back to me, or give me some sort of reaction, anything at all. Wow, guess i really am sort of lonely huh? Ciao.