IT HAS BEEN A WHILE

  SO, it has been a while, hasn't it? I'm not sorry for not updating though since i'm kind of like the only one who comes on here and reads the shit that i write. Yes, i write for myself. Nothing wrong with that. Anyways, my absence has a concrete reason to it. I usually come here when i'm feeling shitty or when i wanna rant about the worse things in life that a person could ever go through, so seeing that i haven't been a frequent visitor for the past um, month(?) is saying a lot about my current feels. As of now, i'm feeling pretty great. A little uncomfortable and pressured due to my mid-terms starting next Monday which is basically a day away and of course, i haven't really studied for it. Fuck, my fault again. I am so going to rot. I just pray that God gives me the strength to stop myself from doing something stupid again. Okay, so maybe not studying for the test is another one of my stupid mistake, but this mistake hopefully will not cause me my ultimate downfall. Right, i really need to get a grip, before it really, really, is too late.

  As i was saying before i was rudely interrupted by my fear of getting kicked out of school for my stupidity, i've been feeling rather okay. Remember when all i did was hate myself and cry and wish that i could die all day everyday? Yeah, hopefully that was just a short phase in life that i don't have to repeat ever again because quite frankly, i haven't been feeling like that for the past month. After my phone got confiscated, i find myself really empty and all that "Oh my life is gone cause my phone is gone" shit. I didn't have much to do, couldn't connect with my friends, couldn't update my social network accounts, couldn't do anything i've been doing for the past three years of my life. I was pretty much going crazy from boredom and whatnot, but i was lucky(or unlucky) because i still had the iPad to fill the emptiness i felt in my life. 

  You'd think that with nothing to do, i'd actually go pick up my textbooks and study, but no. I don't know what's wrong with me but i could never get myself to study. I guess that's the biggest part of me that i hate the most. Me being unable to do what i was supposed to do. Me not being able to motivate the ass out of myself. I hate it. I dread me having to do anything that has anything to do with school and education. I don't think i hate the subs that i study, no, but i just hate the fact that i can't get myself to study. Does that make sense? God, i'm lazy as fuck. And so fucking demotivated on top of all that lazy ass shit.

  So, i did what i could with the iPad. I went around looking for new things to obsess over. Okay, so that's not exactly what happened. I don't remember the exact moment i realized i found something to occupy the two months of my phone-less life, but it happened and i have no regrets. Why? Because for once, i wasn't drowning in my own self-pity and the depressing days finally seemed like they were a distant memory. I doubt that i was happy, but at least i wasn't as down as i was before. What i found, i think, was a distraction for me. Either that, or i just lost touch to whatever that reminded me of depression. Lost touch because i usually look those things up using my phone, and with it gone, i guess i don't think about it as much. 

  My obsession for these couple of months though, is something i never thought i would actually like or even come to like. Those were the waters i never thought i would tread on. What was it? Kpop. Loljk i still don't like kpop because it's too commercialized and i don't really go for happy music. They're too upbeat and loud. Yes, they're catchy but it's not something i'd like to listen to before going to sleep or when i'm trying to calm myself down after a day of shit. Definitely not, but i'm digging something of the Kpop genre.

  f(x). Yep, they're called f(x). They're a pop dance/music group of five girls of different age and race. People say that their type of music is different compared to the other Kpop groups out there because apparently they had a different sound to their stuff. Being a kind of an anti-Kpop fan, i didn't quite like what i heard from them at first. Actually, i pretty much hated their sound because if there's anything i hate more than electro music, it'd be dance music because they kind of sound the same to me. Seriously though, i hate electro. Can't stand it at all. When i checked out f(x), i didn't know what i was expecting but it was definitely not what i had found. Um, maybe i should talk about f(x) in another post since this is getting too long. Haha, i might even get sick and bored reading this damn essay. So, peace for now.