New Year, New Me(shit).

  I just realized that i had almost forgotten to post up a new year themed post so here i am. I'm not really feeling the new year so there's really nothing much to say. I don't feel great, or inspired, or anything, honestly. I'm feeling a little empty, a little meh which shouldn't be the case because this new year, like the new year of 2015 should be kind of a big deal for me because it's the year i finally call myself an alumni of my high school. I can finally be rid of the dumb education system of the country and pursue something that i'm interested in, or rather, what my family and possibly the future me find interesting. This year is the first year of me attending college/uni, so yeah, big ass deal right there since it's like, some sort of new beginning or something. I don't know, sometimes i like to think so. Who doesn't like a fresh start? Plus, someone like me will always be in a desperate need of a fresh start. By someone like me, i mean those who constantly screw up and find themselves locked in their room, alone and very self-loathing.

  But unfortunately, my fresh start isn't much of a fresh start as i'll be attending college here, in my hometown, where everyone i know and will ever know is because no one in my family apart from my dad wants me out of the state, country or even house. Yeah, so you could say i'm under house-arrest but they can't be blamed. I'm pretty much useless and going somewhere else means more money thrown away in hopes that i make something out of myself. Don't get me wrong though, i do want to make something out of myself, something preferably better, and that lives comfortably with her family members. Of course i previously set out to do something somewhat different than the path that i will be journeying on, but circumstances have changed and there are just too many things to consider and without complete support from my family, i can't do anything.

  So, going back to the New Year. My New Year's resolution? I actually haven't given it much thought, or any thought to be exact. But thinking about it now, i guess i just want to be a better person. As of 2014, I am a shit person. And now that 2015 has started and it's on its way, i still am the same shit person. So, what i'm going to try really hard doing from now on, is to be a not-so-shit person. Yeah, i really want to make everybody proud, myself included. I guess i just want to redeem myself, for everything that has happened, that i've done in the past and even in the future. Ah, the future. It's really scary to think about, isn't it? I think anyone's who's afraid of the unknown is also scared of the future and that practically makes it everybody.

  Even if my unknown is a little known, it still doesn't make it any less scary. If anything, i'm more freaked out about it than ever. It's not something that i asked for, or would ask for any day, but it just happened so i'm doing the best i can to get over it and maybe make something out of it without screwing up the way i do. I can't screw up, not again. I can't afford to and neither can my soul(hah corn). A lot's at stake here so if i were to screw things up, it wouldn't be just me that i'd be hurting. And i'd hate to have that happen. So, i won't let that happen. Hopefully. Yeah.

  So, here's my complete 2015 New Year's Resolution that i may or may not end up following. Like i said, i didn't exactly think things through and i still haven't, but i'm willing to put up a list that'd most probably look like the guidelines to my resolution, if i actually came up with one.

Val's 2015 New Year Resoluition

1. Be less talkative. (Meaning: be less annoying.)

2. Be more self-motivated. (Screw negativity and self-loathing and slothiness.)

3. Dress better. (Decide if i want to look like a tomboy teenager or a cool tomboy teenager.)

4. Socialize. Make a shitload of friends. (A great way to break into the future business world.)

5. Be more useful in life. (Stop wasting away each day learning nothing but new things to hate about myself.)

6. Find passion. (Something to focus on.)

7. Knowledge spurt. (Need to know more about everything and anything.)

8. Be a better human being. (Be as nice and kind-hearted as possible.)

9. Find myself. (I know exactly what i mean.)

10. Make people proud.

Happy New Year to you, Valerie. Have a great one.