Halfway Through

Well, hello. It's been a while, hasn't it? My monthly absence had something to do with the applications on my phone which are easier to access and you know, post stuff whenever wherever. So yeah, it was much more convenient than coming on here, not that i'm complaining because nothing ever beats the feeling of your fingers swiftly typing away on a keyboard. Honestly, it's been so long since i actually used a keyboard and my fingers are rather rusty with their movements. I keep making typos and they're annoying as getting a 74 in a test. Anyway, another reason for my continued lack of appearance is none other than the cockblocking done by SPM. Yeah, i'm actually smashed right in the middle of it right now. Tomorrow's paper's history-- the last history paper that i'll be sitting for since there are three in total. Dumb, but it does assist us dumb students to get marks. One hard subject down, three more to go. Well, four really. The science subs are a bitch and accounts is the spawn of Satan. God, i wish i never have to go through numbers that complicated ever again.

   Now, i didn't really come onto here to moan about my remaining SPM days. Two more weeks and i'm home-free. One more step closer to being an adult. Everyone's been on my case about what field i should consider to go into. They're like "oh, go for Business or Finance. Val, be a banker." That wouldn't be much of a problem if  math and numbers weren't the bane of my existence. There is literally nothing i despise more than numbers. Nothing. And that's saying a lot since i'm one of those people who have issues with almost everything that breathes. Or not breathe. What can i say? Issues will be issues. Anyway, i honestly have no clue what i might want to do in the future. Of course, i have multiple options to choose from and honestly, they're pretty wide-ranged since my mom is rather supportive in that area. She wants be to find something that's able to keep my interest perked up so i don't regret and give up halfway through second semester and uni and waste her life's saving. Plus, i have a younger brother. So, making the wise choice would be, wise.

  Yet, i have no idea which would be the wise choice. Oh, wait, i kind of do but i'm in denial. A whole lot of denial. I don't want to do finance, that's for sure. I'm leaving my Business option wide open because that doesn't seem as life-sucking as Finance but i still can't be too sure. After all, i'm probably too dumb to approach something as flexible and ever-changing as the world of business. It freaks me out, knowing that business is the base to anything and everything in the adult world and if i were to venture myself in it, there are only two possible futures for me. One, i get rich in a span of 10 years and have a nice car, a nice pad, a few Corgis and a damn good pair of headphones, or two. Also, several musical instruments of high quality of my liking. But of course, that's just one of the possibilities. Number two, i work for 10 years from company to company, getting nowhere, having to send my mom to live with my probably still in college younger brother and sleep under the town bridge every other night with one sock on.

  I don't know, i'm just saying that it could happen. But maybe i won't go into a Business degree. Maybe i'll put myself up for something else, but God knows what other option do i have left on my table. A few months back i was considering HR because it was something that had the most relation to psychology, which is something i think i've managed to convince myself to like. See, that's my problem. I'm always going around telling people that i think psychology's interesting, but i never really looked into it. I mean yeah, the whole thing is cool, no doubt, but it wasn't cool enough for me to want to read books written about it, or i don't know, youtube videos that related to psychology or whatever. I guess the whole concept of it just appealed to me. Plus, if i were good enough, i could even become a doctor which is actually one of my more crazy dreams because that obviously is way out of my league. But yeah, i considered psychology but i'm unsure about it because you sure as hell can't get jobs with a psych degree from where i'm from. 

  Then, i thought, you know, i really like music. Like, i have a really big 'thing' for music. But too bad i have zero talent in it and even if i did, what difference would it make? I'd still go nowhere. So this undoubtedly goes down my list of crazy dreams not to be achieved in this lifetime. Or ever. It's really sad because i really do love music. I love a lot of things, but i'm never good enough to be great in it. Hence me not achieving anything. I wish i was great in something. Not just good, but great. So i know i'd be able to survive a world of whatever that was instead of sitting here being worried as heck about not being able to feed my mom or brother or grandmother in the future. Being the oldest had its perks, but are they enough to weigh out the cons?

  I have a lot more to say, but it has nothing to do with this topic so i'll just post it up later. Peace.