What Else Has Changed?

  Today, i finally got my phone back. After two long months of phone-less hours, I finally have it in the palm of my hands once again. Although it has become somewhat of a foreign weight on my hand, i still am glad that i have it back with me and that i can call and communicate and just be cool with my phone again. Anyways, i went to fix my guitar strings last weekend(finally) and wow, was it pricey. My high E string broke a little over two months back, around the same time i lost possession of my phone, so yeah, i was both phone-less and guitar-less for two months. Truth be told, it wasn't as horrible as it seemed to be. Like i mentioned in my previous update, being without my phone was something new and it brought me a gush of fresh air. I felt good, for once. I'm not sure if that had something to do with my phone being taken away from me, but i just know i didn't feel as much negativity as i did when i had my phone with me.

  Now that i have my phone back, it feels kinda weird. I realized that the screen was a lot more smaller than thought it was and how big my fingers were typing away on the keypad. I also came to a realization that without phones, we as humans would still be able to survive, well, at least i would. It really wasn't that bad. As for my guitar, after months of not being able to pluck it, fingering the chords, the tip of my fingers started to ache again after playing it for a short while. That's what i get for not practicing and damn, were they a pain in the arse. There are like, two thousand songs i'm dying to learn but can't because thirty minutes into playing it, my fingers felt like they were being scissored off one by one. Ugh, i hate it. I hate not being able to play. I hate being rusty.

  What else has changed? Hmm. Nothing much, i guess, but i did get an increase of subscribers on asianfanfiction.com. I went from 20 subs to around 78 subs in a month and i'd be lying if i said i wasn't happy about it. I didn't think anyone would find any interest in my story because well, it was off to a pretty bad start, being extremely slow in progress and very low in suspense and shit, but surprisingly there were people out there who liked these. Apparently, as long as you continued on with your frequent updates and made sure they didn't stray too far away from the main characters of the story, the subs would still like it. I wish i could write better. I hope i don't disappoint them LOL, but i really have zero experience with writing stories that i actually carry on after the third or so page of it. Yep, so this is pretty new to me. I hope i do well.

  Right, i have tuition in like half an hour so i'm gonna go. It's accounts so i can't exactly afford to ditch, no matter how tired and sleepy i actually am. And ugh, i still have to go to school early in the morning tomorrow for the stupid teacher's day thing. It's like we actually care enough about them to want to celebrate it with them. We're just forced to. They probably don't even like us, so why should we like them? There is a line between respect and seeing them as anything more than teachers. Kay, i'm tired and i want to go to bed. BUT I CAN'T UGH. GOODBYE.

Damn

  I just typed out a super long update but had left it hanging while I went to check out other social network and now it's gone. Fucking app didn't freaking save it as a draft. God damn it. I will not apologize for my excessive usage of inappropriate language because I had already done so in my previous post but sadly it wasn't saved so you'll never know what I said or what I talked about. Fuck you blogger app for being so dumb and un-user friendly. Middle finger up. Or you could always just you know READ BETWEEN THE LINESA OF MY FINGERS. 

  Dammit it was such a good update. Ugh. I hate you and I don't care if I sound like some spoilt thirteen year old right now because I'm utterly annoyed of your failure at being effectient like you were supposed to be. 

f(x)

  Alright, i did say i was going to tell you more about my newly found love towards f(x) so here it is. When the day i happen to fall out of love with f(x), hopefully i'll come back, read this post and remember what is it about f(x) that i love so much; so much that i stopped being anti-Kpop(sorry for being a judgmental bitch). Firstly, i'll talk about the root of my f(x) love. How did i find out about f(x)? Hmm, i was actually online, scrolling through twitter and whatnot when i stumbled upon something Asian that looked like it could be something interesting. It was actually about a ship, or an OTP(one-true pairing) of two members of f(x)-- Amber and Krystal.

  Their ship was named 'KryBer' or 'Amstal' but the first one was more widely used compare to the other one. So, i clicked on the link and began my journey of shipping 'Kryber' the hardcore way. I'm not joking, by the way, when i say "hardcore" because i really am a hardcore Kryber fan. How hardcore? Well. There's the constant need to search up the net for links with the Kryber tags. I read fanfictions, stalk tumblr and twitter pages made in the name of Krystal and Amber's "love". Now, this might not seem very extreme from the way i put it but trust me, it was pretty radical. I did this everyday. Like, from Monday to Sunday of every week since they day i discovered about them. I did it when i got up in the morning, before i go to school, after i got back from school, as i'm eating dinner, shitting in the toilet and just whatever time when i'm not at school or at tuition. It became more than a routine, it became a need; a want; something i had to do or else i'd spend the day going cuckoo. So, maybe i went a little overboard with the ship, but it couldn't be helped. I really was, what's a less impacting word for "obsessed"? Okay, maybe there isn't a word for it. Right, so i was obsessed. Really, truly obsessed.

  During my super-obsessed period over Kryber(still obsessed but not as cray-cray no more), i thought maybe i should check out their music since you know, they are part of a dance/music group. So i did. And i didn't like what i found. Again, i say i didn't exactly know what i was expecting but still, i guess i had wished for something different, much, much more different than what they actually were. I listened to their more popular hits, watching music videos of them dancing around in silly Kpop backgrounds and wearing even crazier outfits. I really didn't find what they were singing or dancing about anywhere near likable. Honestly, they were as dumb as i pegged Kpop to be. So, i stopped trying to get myself to watch their music videos, fully convinced that they were in no way any different than the other Kpop groups that annoyed the crap out of me.

  Then, everything changed when i made the last effort to check out videos that related to them. They were a part of this, reality TV show thing where they were filmed during their vacation in New Zealand. There were tons of videos of the TV episodes on Youtube, and well, i actually only watched it at first because there were Kryber moments in them, but i watched them nevertheless. At first, i only watched the ones specifically edited to show cast Kryber moments and Kryber moments only, but that was when i discovered something phenomenal. It never stroke me, but who knew the rest of the members were so hilarious? Watching the Kryber-cut episodes, i grew extremely fond of how the members acted around one another. I was constantly amused and entertained at the way they talked and treated each other throughout the episodes.

  It wasn't long before i finished the Kryber-cut episodes and went for the real thing. I watched the entire installation of Amazing f(x), that's the name of the show and well, that was probably the best decision made in my life. From watching their interactions, i fell in love with the members of f(x). I fell in love with every single one of them-- Amber, Krystal, Luna, Sulli and Victoria. When i first knew about Kryber, i didn't really know them. I mean, i know of them but that's it. I never really bothered to understand them better. As i watched more and more of the episodes, i found them extremely different from how my head had previously perceived them as. I love them because they were like family. I never thought that a Kpop girl group could actually get so close, so attached to one another. I guess they just felt real, and that's what i love about them.
Like, you can tell that they actually care and like one another a lot more than other groups. It could be just me, but that's what i really love about them-- their relationship with each other.

  Yeah, so i fell in love with their family-like bond. And the fact that Krystal and Amber were fluent English speakers and quite Westernized was a bonus. Actually, it was a HUGE bonus because that was what made me so interested in their ship in the first place. I was surprised by their American way and loved it whenever the spoke in English. It became something i looked forward to whenever i watch their videos and stuff. Victoria, the leader of the group, is Chinese. Amber is too although she can't really speak it, but it made me like them even more. They are such an interesting combo-- three Koreans and two Chinese. They spoke all kinds of globalized language so it was easy for us fans to feel more connected to them.

  So, after all that, i went to listen to their music again and the weirdest thing happened. It grew on me. Their dance moves, their catchy choruses that meant nothing but gibberish to me actually grew on me! I found myself hooked on the music videos, always watching it and rewatching it and never really getting bored with it. It's crazy. I liked them so much i even tried to learn a couple of moves but of course that failed because i couldn't dance to save my life. So, i downloaded their videos and songs into my phone, laptop, iPod and yeah, i'm still listening to them ever since. They kind of make me happy. It's weird, i know. I don't even like happy songs but here i am, bopping my head and moving my body to the beat of their songs.

  This has been a really long post, but seriously though i love f(x). I love their bond, their uniqueness, their concept(not really), just them in general. I love Kryber even more. I read about them, i stalk their news and yeah just whatever, i'm delusional like the rest of the Kryber fandom. I also write about them ahah yeah i know, who knew i'd actually write fanfictions about Kpop people, but i love them. I love Amber. I love Krystal. I love Amber and Krystal together. They're just i don't know, so real?

  They make me happy so be it. Right. So this should be the end of this long-ass post. I feel like there's a lot more i wanna talk about f(x), like their personalities and such but i'm tired and it could literally go on forever. Just know that right now, the most important things to me are Mayday Parade and f(x). They're such a contrast but they make my life a little better than it is. Peace.
 

IT HAS BEEN A WHILE

  SO, it has been a while, hasn't it? I'm not sorry for not updating though since i'm kind of like the only one who comes on here and reads the shit that i write. Yes, i write for myself. Nothing wrong with that. Anyways, my absence has a concrete reason to it. I usually come here when i'm feeling shitty or when i wanna rant about the worse things in life that a person could ever go through, so seeing that i haven't been a frequent visitor for the past um, month(?) is saying a lot about my current feels. As of now, i'm feeling pretty great. A little uncomfortable and pressured due to my mid-terms starting next Monday which is basically a day away and of course, i haven't really studied for it. Fuck, my fault again. I am so going to rot. I just pray that God gives me the strength to stop myself from doing something stupid again. Okay, so maybe not studying for the test is another one of my stupid mistake, but this mistake hopefully will not cause me my ultimate downfall. Right, i really need to get a grip, before it really, really, is too late.

  As i was saying before i was rudely interrupted by my fear of getting kicked out of school for my stupidity, i've been feeling rather okay. Remember when all i did was hate myself and cry and wish that i could die all day everyday? Yeah, hopefully that was just a short phase in life that i don't have to repeat ever again because quite frankly, i haven't been feeling like that for the past month. After my phone got confiscated, i find myself really empty and all that "Oh my life is gone cause my phone is gone" shit. I didn't have much to do, couldn't connect with my friends, couldn't update my social network accounts, couldn't do anything i've been doing for the past three years of my life. I was pretty much going crazy from boredom and whatnot, but i was lucky(or unlucky) because i still had the iPad to fill the emptiness i felt in my life. 

  You'd think that with nothing to do, i'd actually go pick up my textbooks and study, but no. I don't know what's wrong with me but i could never get myself to study. I guess that's the biggest part of me that i hate the most. Me being unable to do what i was supposed to do. Me not being able to motivate the ass out of myself. I hate it. I dread me having to do anything that has anything to do with school and education. I don't think i hate the subs that i study, no, but i just hate the fact that i can't get myself to study. Does that make sense? God, i'm lazy as fuck. And so fucking demotivated on top of all that lazy ass shit.

  So, i did what i could with the iPad. I went around looking for new things to obsess over. Okay, so that's not exactly what happened. I don't remember the exact moment i realized i found something to occupy the two months of my phone-less life, but it happened and i have no regrets. Why? Because for once, i wasn't drowning in my own self-pity and the depressing days finally seemed like they were a distant memory. I doubt that i was happy, but at least i wasn't as down as i was before. What i found, i think, was a distraction for me. Either that, or i just lost touch to whatever that reminded me of depression. Lost touch because i usually look those things up using my phone, and with it gone, i guess i don't think about it as much. 

  My obsession for these couple of months though, is something i never thought i would actually like or even come to like. Those were the waters i never thought i would tread on. What was it? Kpop. Loljk i still don't like kpop because it's too commercialized and i don't really go for happy music. They're too upbeat and loud. Yes, they're catchy but it's not something i'd like to listen to before going to sleep or when i'm trying to calm myself down after a day of shit. Definitely not, but i'm digging something of the Kpop genre.

  f(x). Yep, they're called f(x). They're a pop dance/music group of five girls of different age and race. People say that their type of music is different compared to the other Kpop groups out there because apparently they had a different sound to their stuff. Being a kind of an anti-Kpop fan, i didn't quite like what i heard from them at first. Actually, i pretty much hated their sound because if there's anything i hate more than electro music, it'd be dance music because they kind of sound the same to me. Seriously though, i hate electro. Can't stand it at all. When i checked out f(x), i didn't know what i was expecting but it was definitely not what i had found. Um, maybe i should talk about f(x) in another post since this is getting too long. Haha, i might even get sick and bored reading this damn essay. So, peace for now.