Pathetic, Really

  I just totally had like one of the worst meltdowns i had in my 16 years of life. And i'm really embarrassed about it, really, because during the haze of it all, with my family yelling(well not exactly yelling but god they were loud) and me trying to hold the sensitive, fragile part of me intact, i ran up to my room, cried my eyeballs out and made a huge mistake of sliding my phone on when a WhatsApp text from my friend was received. I wasn't going to just spill my heart out to her, or anyone, i've said it before, it's pathetic and humiliating, and God i just wished it hadn't happened, but it did. So she texted me a question very much related to the issue of the night and i just went all teenage-angst on her. I was crying and texting and crying and crying and texting and checking whether anyone was about to walk into the room and find me drowning in my own pathetic-ness because no, i couldn't let that happen. So yeah, i really didn't plan to tell anyone about my deepest thoughts, but it just rushed out, and i couldn't stop it. And yes, i am very much embarrassed at what i did and hope that what i told my friends hadn't ruin her night or anything.

  I don't know, life's just really messed up right now and you know what, growing up really isn't a walk in the park. If i hadn't known better, suicide might sound like a better option. I'm calmed down, and ready to apologize for whatever shit i have told anybody. I don't even remember what i said to anyone, shit, things are really effed up right now. Damage control, coming right up. I'm just sorry for being an overemotional, pathetic, disappointing loser. Peace.