Decisions, decisions

I was suppose to submit this in on Saturday but I got carried away with sleep. So, decisions. I've got a big one in my hands right now. Have you ever needed to choose between doing something you love and something you have to do no matter what? I'd like to call it decision of one's 'heart and duty'.

If yes, then it must've sucked or you. It's no doubt that I'm in that current situation. As most of you know, I'm having the 'big test' year. PMR. I should be studying my ass off and ignoring other things that have nothing to do with studies or might jeopardize it. Choosing studies is the right option.

What if I can't?

I'm an active member of my school's uniform body. Well actually, I'm now one of the cadet committees. Sec 3 students aren't supposed to though, cuz it's an important year to focus only on our studies, but because of a reason that I'm really lazy to tell, we have to. Tough luck.

My family have been pressuring me about my studies again. They repeat themselves over and over again 'how important this year is and I better focus on my studies and nothing else!' In other words, they just want me to choose, to make a decision. Don't they know I'm a major dilemma freak?! I'm terrible in decisions and now they're throwing this huge one right at me! How am I gonna settle for a decision? As they say, 'the big decisions in life are never easy'. Boy, are they ever so precise!

After debating and thinking it over for a long period of time, I came to the best answer that I could find, BALANCE. I promised myself to try and balance out everything, between my studies and uniform body. Of course studies are the more essential one here, but how can one let go of something one's so passionate about? Do we have to sacrifice in order to succeed?

Sadly, yes. But I'm not going to though. I would sacrifice my free time on studying and attempting on improving my grades, but if you're telling me to quit doing something that's keeping me a part of something I love, forget it. If I can balance it out, y'know do both at once and still succeed, I will not hesitate to try.

But if it turns out that I can't, I'll know when to pull the plug. Studies come first, no matter how much pain in the ass it is. Truth is, I'm not sure if I'm capable on balancing. I have super poor time management and whatever that has anything to do with managing.

I'll try though. Like till I die or something. I couldn't care less if my friends or even my own family doubt me, as long as my faith in me hasn't been shaken up, I'll keep trying, reaching beyond my own limits. I just hope that my family's gonna support me or try to understand at least. I have no intention on looking back to this year in the future and regretting I lived the year of 2012. No, I wouldn't want that. I hate taking things for granted, I hate having to say 'I shouldn't have done that', I hate having to wish that I should've done things differently.

And I do not want to get stuck in the past. So God, I pray for your guidance and forgiveness. Let this year be a little less rougher than it should be.

P.S a tragedy has stricken in my hometown. Some parts of my town have been hit by a flash flood due to the continual of raining and on the 6th of January, I think, two lives were lost. The lives of a 19 year old female student and a hardworking, male employee of a gas station were taken during the flood. The kind hearted, yet ill-fated employee who passed on attempting to save another life, the life of the poor girl who accidentally slipped and fell into into a drain which was filled with water. The strong current swept them away, killing both of them. Please join me and say a silent prayer to these poor souls. May they rest in peace.