Teen-girl Probs

  Exam's in two weeks and i'm still here doing whatever a lazy person would do two weeks before their exam. I swear one day my laziness is going to get me killed, i know it. I admit that i don't really try to get over this lazy phase but i googled "study tips for lazy people" like 3 minutes ago and honestly, i don't think it helped much, just the typical logical answers about getting rid of Facebook, don't overstudy, exercise regularly, blablableh. Tell me something i don't know? Maybe i'll give the regular exercise a try, i could use the fat loosing session anyways. I feel like i'll be seeing layers of the most undesired body part in life very soon if i keep having these in-between-meals-meals. Oh god, i'm one unhealthy kid. Yes, getting fat is counted as one of my teen-girl problems that i have gotta come to terms with sooner or later, but i'm not THAT self-conscious about my weight, if i were would i still be digesting all these potato chips and carton of corn flavored ice-cream? I think not, but yeah needa start getting sweaty soon if i don't intend to transform myself into an Asian blob. Just the mere thought of it disgusts me. Bleh.

  Alright, so what other teenage issues are annoying me right now? Oh yes, issues with the friends. I would be a liar if i said that my friends and i are a great friends, because i really don't think so. It's not them though, this one i'm perfectly aware of it being the way it is because of me. In shorter words, i am a shit friend. And this is bad, no, this is really bad because like my mom, i don't have a big circle of comrades, nope i have one small troupe of friends who would gladly hold my food for me while i tie my shoe, but not as willing to take a bullet for me. Who would anyways for such an evil bitch. I'm pretty sure even my family, who are biologically programmed to love me, will have a hard time choosing between me and 500 dollars. No seriously, i'm that individual whom people would get rid of as soon as the situation allowed it. Yes, i'm so bad that i'm not even worth 5000 dollars to my family, let alone the people i call my friends. Lately when i say things like "i don't know, i just don't really like him/her", my friends would be like "who do you like val huh who. tell me one person that you actually like" making it nothing less than obvious about the fact that i have issues with everyone. I won't deny the truth about me being a judgmental, hypocritical bitch, but aca-excuse me, i don't see you being all Mother Theresa either. I make mistakes about judging people, but did you really have to throw it at my face. That just really ticks me off. And you see why i'm such a shitty friend? Even when i'm trying to prove to people that i've been doing all the bad things in the friendship between me and my fellow friends, i somehow find my self-centered way to ranting about myself and the things they do that pisses me off like i'm trying to make them sound horrible even as i'm attempting to tell the world of Blogger that it's my fault, i did this. It's a disease, i tell you. This pathetic way of me dealing with things, especially extremely important and fragile things like friendships and relationships. I'm a horrible person. Well, fuck.

 If there's a way to go around this, i would. I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know why i have to be so..bitchy. God, what the hell is wrong with me. I have friends, i care about them, i don't know if they care about me, but why do i have to be this annoying, bitchy, selfish, self-centered, pathetic piece of damaged shit. You know what i'd like to do? I'd very much like to torch myself alive for being such a crappy excuse for a friend, or a human being. I know people don't like me very much, heck, who am i kidding, they probably hate me to the very core that they wish they could put scorpions in my bed, yeah well i hate myself too. This isn't me asking for sympathy or attention or anything at all, i just wanted to be free of this bad-friend-curse. My friends deserve a better friend, the world deserves a better person, my family deserves someone better, someone more worthy of the life that i have before me, someone who isn't me. Oh god, i hope nobody ever reads this. Perks of being an unpopular bitch, people could care less about you. I see it now, how unwanted i am in this world. It's true and i know it. And all because of this horrible being that i've become today. How did i get here. How do i go back.