I only ever set foot in this place to post an update when 1: I'm being drowned by overpowering waves of sadness or 2: I'm being washed away by overwhelming waves of joy. Tonight, it's neither. Tonight, my mind is flooded with worry. My forehead, a wrinkled mess. My chest, beating to a rhythm of anxiety. I am worried about Dania.
Her parents were previously painted as the winning couple. A pair of adults that stay happy with each other through the hard years of job-switching, house-moving, child-bearing and child-caring. Now, they just sound like selfish, failed parents. My heart aches as I think about what the love of my life had to through living her life as a child in the care of negligent and unfair parents. My fist clenches as I remember the look on her face and the sound of her voice when she told me how much she wished her parents could feel a quarter of their love for her brother for her. This is not fair.
She needed me tonight, but bad timing and unorganized thoughts made me decide on careless words and thoughtless answers to her calls of need. I am the worse. I had one job, a job I spent years wishing for. And I just threw it out the window because of "strict family rules" and "school work". Why is it that my brain only functions when I reflect on the mistakes I made, instead of working during the time of the mistake being made? Why am I brainless? Inconsiderate? Selfish? Why must I let down someone who's never let me down?
I am stranded on my horrible island of inconsideration, having nothing that could assist me in assisting Dania in her time of need. Knowing that I am to blame for excluding myself from helping my love. I am helpless and I am guilty. I have nothing to offer but this pathetic piece of reflection.
I should've made time that night
When you said you wanted to
Take a leap off a bridge
I should've called you right up
And told you all the sweet things
About this life, how things can still go right
I should've held you so tight
Rocked you steady, hummed quietly
Till you closed your eyes, and lived through the night
My sweet angel
Nothing I say will make you feel okay
But that's okay
I'll be here till it ends
I'll show you I'm here to stay
My arms, outstretched
They're yours to take...
